Moja SW/Warhammer priča

[hrčak]

E ovak, pošto mi se u zadnje vrijeme pišu priče, pjesme i ostalo kaj se može pisat osim zadaća, došao sam na ideju, otvorim temu u kojoj radim priču o jednom liku koji je vezan us SW ili Warhammer 40k svemir ali da je ne baš povezan s loreom, što bi značilo da bi taj lik bio neki random lik, lopov, jedi, sith, plačenik itd, E sad, uz sve ovo došao sam na ideju gdje bi mi svaki član foruma mogao predložiti što bi htjeli vidjeti u sljedećem djelu priče pa bi ja to prilagodio njoj i onome kako sam ju zamislil. Jel može?

[cham3leon]

Ja ću biti oštar kritičar i reći šta ne valja svako malo :>

[hrčak]

Kaj se mene tiče, može, jedino me zanima jel će tko uopće pratiti to tako da znam da krenem sa time.

EDIT: Da nebi bilo zabune, pišem na engleskom priču. Priča će imat vlastitu temu dok će ovdje ići vaša mišljenja, kritike i ostalo.

EDIT2: Priča će sadržati više glavnih likova čije će priče svaka činiti zasebnu cjelinu te će se njihova radnja međusobno doticati.

[Interceptor]

Kako Warhammer može ići sa SW-om i svemirom??

[hrčak]

Nisam bio siguran koji ću od njih dvoje odabrati pa sam u naslov stavio SW/Warhammer, ovisno o tome koći ću svemir staviti, na kraju sam se odlučio za SW jer se kod Warhammera nemre puno kemijat.

[hrčak]

Velika priča random lika iz SW svemira
*Događaji se događaju prije događaja iz filmova te se ograđuju od bilo kakve slučajnosti sa nekim likovima.

ID:
Name: Dom Kani
Sex: Male
Race: Human
Age: 20
Height: 1.7 m
Weight: 60 kg

Story:
Dom Kani is a Human Male from Coruscant. He was son of Po Kani and Jenna Kani. From his early age his parents were teaching him to be skilled politican but Dom had other plans for his live. He was in constant fight with his parents and one day he leaved his family and become a bounty hunter. Soner or later he became one of the better bounty hounter in the univers. One day he got an offer which was: “Kill Republican senator Po Kani, reward 50 000 Republican creditst.”. Altrough he was in doubt will he do it or not he decided to first get some apartment or so on Coruscant which will his base of operations. Firs of all he went to his weapon dealer Fred and asked him for a free gun becouse he made him a favor a long time ago. He got E-5s sniper rifle. Altrough it was an old weapon and not one of best it was good enough for Dom. His first priority was to get know his victim becouse there were lots of unsuspected events like this one where his dad become on the most important senators in Republic.

Ovo je to za danas, nastavak slijedi sutra.
P.S. Sry na mom bad engleskom.

[Interceptor]

S
Imaš neki grešaka u pravopisu, al ništa strašno.

[Anarion.Umarth]

Pišeš priču, ne referat. Manje suhoparnog nabrajanja činjenica.

[W3DR4N]

Zašto uopće pišeš na engleskom ako ti ne leži?

[Aral]

Molim te, nemoj miješat SW i Warhammer.

[Herr Schnitzel]

Zašto uopće pišeš na engleskom ako ti ne leži?

Ovo.

[cham3leon]

Imaš neki grešaka u pravopisu, al ništa strašno.

Ima i točnih dijelova, ali ih ne mogu nać.

[KingTomy]

Velika priča random lika iz SW svemira
*Događaji se događaju prije događaja iz filmova te se ograđuju od bilo kakve slučajnosti sa nekim likovima.

ID:
Name: Dom Kani
Sex: Male
Race: Human
Age: 20
Height: 1.7 m
Weight: 60 kg

Story:
Dom Kani is a Human Male from Coruscant. He was son of Po Kani and Jenna Kani. From his early age his parents were teaching him to be skilled politican but Dom had other plans for his live. He was in constant fight with his parents and one day he leavedShis family and becomeSa bounty hunter. SonerSor later he became one of the better bounty hounter in the univers. One day he got an offer which was: “Kill Republican senator Po Kani, reward 50 000 Republican creditst.”. AltroughShe was in doubt will he do it or not he decided to first get some apartment or so on Coruscant which will his base of operations. FirsSof all he went to his weapon dealer Fred and asked him for a free gun becouseShe made him a favor a long time ago. He got E-5s sniper rifle. AltroughSit was an old weapon and not one of best it was good enough for Dom. His first priority was to get know his victim becouseSthere were lots of unsuspected events like this one where his dad become on the most important senators in Republic.

Ovo je to za danas, nastavak slijedi sutra.
P.S. Sry na mom bad engleskom.

Istaknuo sam ti očite gramatičke greške, a koliko stilističkih grešaka ima to neću ni nabrajati. Zadnja rečenica?
Bolje se drži hrvatskog

[hrčak]

A čuj, pišem na engleskom jer se želim maloi ispraksat, jedino što me zajebava past simple nepravilnih glagola gdje se uvijek sprčkam, što se tiče first, to sam zajebo jer kad god pišem ja u rječima zaboravim napisat neko slovo, imam tu nekakvu bolest, moram pitat staru, a oko nekih riječi se zapitam jer sa nekima mi je malo sjebano (jel idu dva slov ili nešto), a što se tiče rečenica, lakše mi je pisat na engleskom rečenicu pošto ja na hrvatskom pišem rečenice na veliko i na široko, što ne paše nikome tko čita moje zadaćnice i eseje jer moje rečenice znaju imat u 90% slučajeva više od 10 surečenica.
@Aral
Već sam rekao, nisam bio siguran koji od ta dva svemira odabrati pa san stavio oba dva u naslov kako bih mogao vidjeti kojem ću se lakše prilagoditi.

[Worthaur]

Ak nisi siguran kak ide googlaj, tak ces najlakse naucit

[pimp]

i daj kakav ti je to miđet glavni lik 1,7m? 60kg :S

[W3DR4N]

Imaš neki grešaka u pravopisu, al ništa strašno.

Ima i točnih dijelova, ali ih ne mogu nać.

Vrištim.

[Babitz]

i daj kakav ti je to miđet glavni lik 1,7m? 60kg :S

To se zove projiciranje il tako nešto.