Odgovori uz citat[center:3em3x14t]Day 3: Landing on the Planet
DR. AUGUSTINE, NORM, JAKE and DOB are facing down a bunch of ENORMOUS RHINO BEARS with extra eyes and appendages that serve no clear function, evolutionarily speaking.
DR. AUGUSTINE
Well all need to make sure-
DOB
HOLY FUCKING SHIT!
DR. AUGUSTINE
Quiet. Remain calm. Be careful and don’t fire your weap-
[DOB fires several wild shots at the beasts.]
DR. AUGUSTINE
I said don’t fire.
DOB
AND I SAID DON’T SEND ME TO THE MONSTER PLANET, SHUT UP, what the fuck?!
[DOB fires a few more shots.]
NORM
This isn’t part of the plan?
DOB
What is the plan? Why would you give us guns and stick us in a monster nest? I’m not- I mean, I am Internet funny-maker, and you gave me a rifle? [He SHOOTS SOME PLANTS.]SJake can’t even walk, there’s no way he was the best choice for a bodyguard.
[JAKE nods and starts firing wildly.]
DOB
My man. See what I mean?
NORM
They’re not monsters, they’re animals, and you’re murdering them for no reason.
DOB
They’re trying to kill us. Currently. That is happening.
NORM
They wouldn’t bother us if man wasn’t so destructive and violent, we-
[DOB shoots NORM in the leg.]
NORM
AAGGGHHHH!
DOB
Hahah. Fuck you. Yes.
Day 6: Living With the Na’vi
After accidentally separating from their group, DOB and JAKE are forced to live with and learn from the Na’vi people.
DOB
Plant. Tree. Horse thing. Bird thing. Man, you guys have dick ports everywhere.
NEYTIRI
We’ll teach you to live like our people, to experience the world as we do.
DOB
I’m OK.
NEYTIRI
I’m… sorry?
JAKE
We’re here to learn from these people, DOB. We want them to train us.
DOB
Dude, they’re training us on bows and arrows. The only reason I wasn’t already trained to use them years ago is because they’re irrelevant in our society. I can seriously shoot you whenever I want. Whenever I want.
JAKE
But we have much to learn.
DOB
From these guys? Man, this is a species so simple that we built perfect replicas in our lab while they still haven’t even figured out pants. Which, if I’m being honest, I’m actually OK with.
Day 11: Learning to Train Those Flying Dragon Monsters
NEYTIRI, DOB and JAKE surround one of those flying dragon monsters in an attempt to tame and ride them.
NEYTIRI
Once you corner it, you must link your tail with its tail.
JAKE
I understand.
DOB
I’m not doing this.
NEYTIRI
It will fight you, so be prepared. You will have to hold it down, subdue it and force it to bond with you. Then she will see you.
JAKE
Sounds like a challenge.
[JAKE finds a dragon monster he likes and tackles it. He holds it down on the ground as it struggles desperately to break free. He holds its mouth shut and straddles the beast, eventually forcing his ponytalia onto its ponytalia.]
JAKE
I’ve got her. I’ve got her.
NEYTIRI
Don’t let her go, Jake.
DOB
No, no wait, hold on.
Neytiri
Let her see you, Jake.
DOB
Just one second, I think-
JAKE
Oh, it feels incredible.
Neytiri
You are becoming one.
DOB
This is rape.
Neytiri
Do you see her, Jake? Do you see her?
DOB
This is completely rape. Can anyone hear me?
[It's almost exactly like the rape scene in Irreversible.]
JAKE
I see her. I see her.
NEYTIRI
Now you are ready for our tree of souls. You can see our ancestors.
JAKE
What’s that process like?
NEYTIRI
It is also largely forced-bonding-centric.
DOB
I no longer want to play Avatar…
Day 24: Revolution
The Na’vi people have all gathered around JAKE, who is leading them in a war against the humans, to save this piece of shit movie.
JAKE
The humans want to get rid of us, and use up all of our resources. They are raping our planet.
The Na’vi cheer.
DOB
What? You guys are the rape planet, you rape hello out here.
JAKE
And I say NO MORE. The rape of our planet will not continue.
DOB
You are currently sticking your dick in a tree.
Day 25: Victory
NEYTIRI
We did it! The humans left!
JAKE
Finally!
DOB
Yep. And they took all of their filthy technology and medicine and school systems with them. Hooray!… I’m fucking with you guys, this really blows.
JAKE
A hunt should take your mind off it.
DOB
We still hunt? Jesus, it’s the future. Who hunts?
NEYTIRI
Our mother planet, Eywa, commands that-
DOB
You’re the shittiest race ever.
NEYTIRI
I guess, but this whole planet is so beautiful and real that I don’t even notice sometimes. I’m too distracted by the majesty and wonder of our planet, that I never really think about how sort of boring and pointless it all is, I suppose.
JAKE
Right?[/center:3em3x14t]
[center:3em3x14t]Avatar 2: The Humans Nuke the Blue Faggots from Orbit.[/center:3em3x14t]
Jednostavno epic tekst
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