vicevi :)

Što je gore? Kad ti Paravinja stane ili kad Čačić ne stane ??

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Izvorno postao accursed

Mali sudac iz Njemačke, Hrvatima radi spačke, jučer je u kasni sat, turnir iša zajebat, pa je Hrvat izvadija PAM PAM PAM PAM.. Mali sudac sada zivi na Lovrincu :D

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Užas. Bilo bi mi neugodno ispričati to nekome.

lol nhf xD

Dođe poštar u starački dom i kaže:
-Gdje ste lavovi?
Prolazi neki deda i pita ga:
-Zašto nas nazivaš lavovima?
-Pa kad god dodjem netko rikne!


xD

=> Spoiler Alert: <=

"Am I allowed to call a police officer a cunt?"
"No, sir, you are not. That would be an insult."
"Would it be OK if I called a cunt &#39;Officer&#39;?"
"Yes, sir. That would be weird, but allowed."
"Good night, Officer."

=> Spoiler Alert: <=

A guy with a gun enters a bar.
"Who the fuck had sex with my wife?" he snarled.
A voice was heard in the background, "You don&#39;t have enough bullets, mate!"

=> Spoiler Alert: <=

My six-year-old son caught me masturbating this morning.
He said, "What are you doing daddy?"
"It&#39;s called wanking," I replied. "You&#39;ll be doing this soon."
"Why, daddy?" he asked.
"Because my arm is fucking killing me."

A third grade teacher asks her students to use the word 'contagious' in a sentence.
Cathy stands up and says, "Last summer I had the mumps and my mother said it was contagious."

"Very good, Cathy," the teacher says. "Does anyone else have a sentence?"

Julie, a sweet little girl in the front row, stands up and says, "My grandmother says there's a bug going around and it's contagious."

"Excellent, Julie," says the teacher, as she looks around the class and sees Little Johnny waving his hand impatiently. "Yes, Little Johnny, do you have a sentence?"

Little Johnny quickly jumps up and says, "The lady next door was painting her porch with a one inch brush and my dad said it would take the contagious."

Došao čovjek u Osijek i pita taxistu:
-Koliko je vožnja do Đakova?
-100 kuna!
-Ali ja imam samo 80!?
-Onda ništa.

Razmišlja tip pa kaže:
-A, je'l ti mene možeš voziti za tih 80, pa dokle dođemo?
-Može.
Nekoliko kilometara od Đakova kaže taxist:
-Tvojih 80 kuna ovdje završavaju!
-Ali kiša pljušti, a to je još samo par kilometara?!
-Van!, reče taksist...

Nakon tjedan dana dolazi čovjek opet na taxi stajalište. Taxist od prošlog tjedna je zadnji u redu...Čovjek ode kod prvog:
-Evo ti 100 kuna za vožnju do Đakova i još 100 ako mi ga popušiš!!
-Marš!-saspe taksist salvu psovki za njim i potjera ga...

Ode čovjek kod drugog taxista, a ovaj ga isto potjera i izvrijeđa.
I tako svi redom dok nije došao do taxista od prošlog tjedna:

-Koliko je vožnja do Đakova?
-100 kn isto k'o i prošli tjedan, sta se praviš lud!?
-Čuj, evo ti 100 kuna, a evo ti još 100 ako me lijepo polako ovuda provezeš i
usput maši svojim kolegama...

Kako da ubijem komarca kad je moje krvi xD

Jebes Chuck Norissa kad lik iz GTA vadi sva moguca oruzija iz džepa. :D

Dođe Zagorec doma pijan.
Žena mu opali šamarčinu i kaže: "Buš još pil ?" Ovaj šuti.
Žena mu pritisne još jedan šamar: "Odgovori! Buuš još pil?"
Zagorec i dalje šuti.
Žena mu tresne još jači šamar: "Reci! Buuuš još pil?"
A ovaj promrmlja: "No dobro, daj mi natoči."

What do you call a black woman who gets an abortion? Crime-fighter.
What's the difference between jam and jelly? I can't jelly my cock down your throat.
What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews? Santa Claus goes down the chimney.
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends on how hard you kick them.

EDIT:

=> Spoiler Alert: latvian jokes:2gr4pf96 <=

Joke:
Three men are in ship. One Latvian, one Russian, one Lithuanian. Lithuanian take out one bottle wodka. Russian kill Lithuanian, then drink wodka. Then Latvian wait until Russian drink self to sleep, then kill. Is end.

Joke:
Latvian: Is so cold.
All: How cold is?
Latvian: Very. Also dark.

Joke:
A fishmonger says to a bootblack, "Are there any more potato left?" Bootblack says, "Yes, one. But it has gone bad." The fishmonger says, "I am very hungry. I have not eaten for three days. I shall eat it, even if it makes me very ill." And bootblack says, "I did not speak truth. In reality, there is no food left. You shall go hungry yet another day, my friend."

Joke:
Man is hungry. He steal bread to feed family. Get home, find all family have sent Siberia! “More bread for me,” man think. But bread have worm.

Joke:
Janis: I hope my son does not die during night.
Guntis: What is "hope"?
Janis: Yes. I know what you say.
Guntis: No. I am serious. What is hope?
Janis: In truth, I do not know.

Joke:
Questioning: Why did chicken cross road?
Answering: I have not seen chicken since I was very young, on my parents&#39; farm. This is before the Cossacks slaughtered them. I can still hear screams of sister as soldiers rape her. But back to question, where did you see chicken? I am very, very hungry.

Joke:
Man car break down near house of farmer. Take shelter in barn. Find farmer daughter in barn. Oh! Hot stuff! But TOO LATE! Is already rape by soldier.

Joke:
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Latvian.
Latvian who?
Please open door. Is cold.

Joke:
Latvian walk into bar with poodle under one arm and salami under other. Eat salami first.

Joke:
How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb?
Only one. Obtain light bulb is hard part. You have potato?

Joke:
How is get one-arm Latvian out of tree?
Is no one-arm Latvian! Why you silly? All go Center for Great Peaceful Physical Reassignment. You no ask.

Joke:
Why six is afraid seven? Because seven have many friend politburo.

Joke:
Latvian walk into bar with pig on shoulder. Bartender say, “That look delicious!” But pig say, “No. Is Latvian. Taste is similar to dog.”

Joke:
Latvian walk into bar with mule. Bartender say, “Why so long face?” Latvian say, “I was thinking of my daughter. She has been lie with soldier for potato feed baby. “

Joke:
Is dead dog in road. Is dead Latvian in road. What difference?
Dog have fur keep warm. Also, freedom. And dog try eat poop for pleasure not just survive. So many thing!

Joke:
Latvian is rub lamp find genii. Genii say, “What is three wishes?” Latvian say, “I wish potato!” Then, POOF! Potato! Latvian so happy! “Oh! Is potato! Is potato!” say Latvian. Genii ask, “What is next wish?” Latvian is say, “I wish you go away so can enjoy potato!” POOF! Too bad. Also, was only lamp.

Joke:
Little boy Janis Dipers is get trouble, school. After teacher is beat, make also stay detention all alone. While detention, teacher is get horny! Teacher and Janis is make sex. “Janis Dipers!” teacher shout! “But teacher,” Janis say, “I too hungry for energy do that.”

Joke:
Three Latvian are brag about sons. “My son is soldier. He have rape as many women as want,” say first Latvian. “Zo?” second say, “My son is farmer. He have all potato he want!” Third Latvian wait long time, then say, “My son is die at birth. For him, struggle is over.” “Wow! You are win us,” say others. But all are feel sad.

Joke:
Boy: But mother, I no are like grandma.
Mother: Eat anyway. Is no potato.

Joke:
Latvian walk into bar and say, “I have not eaten for many days. One full beer will be too much for me. How much just maybe one shot beer?” Bartender say, “This is can do for you. Is two centimes.” Latvian say, “Oh. I was hoping it would be less. I do not have that much.”

Joke:
Is Latvian couple have been marry 60 years! But for long times, is no making sex. For 60th wedding anniversary, wife is buy for husband hooker for the have sex! Hooker is arrive at door one fine day and is say to husband, “Hello! I here give you super sex!” Man is say, “Oh! I will have the soup.” Then hooker is say, “What? You have soup? Why you no told this?”

Joke:
What are one potato say other potato?
Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?

Joke:
How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb?
25. One screw in, 24 ride bicycle generator for 1-hour shift. But time probably better spend search food.

Joke:
Three Latvian girl are walk down street. One have knife, one have gun, one have window. They are meet soldier. Soldier is ask first girl, “Why you are have knife?” “If you try rape me, I stab!” she say. Okay! Second girl, “Why you are have gun?” “If you try rape me, I shoot!” she say. Okay! Third girl, “Why you are have window?!?” “If you try rape me, I jump out!”

Joke:
Latvian is capture by cannibals. Cannibals say, “We are kill you and eat you and use skin for canoe. But you may choose means of your death.” Latvian say, “Okay! You are give me fork, please!” But oops! Is forgot how use!

Latvijci.
:pray:

:pray: :rotfl:

Cijeli dan sam rukama kopao,ali nisam kopao nego sam ORAO. lol lol

Al ovaj je najjaci:

Joke:
What are one potato say other potato?
Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato? :pray:

AUDI- Always Unsafe Designs Implemented.
BMW-Big Money Works.
* Brutal Money Waster.
* Bimbette Motor Weapon.
* Break My Window.
*Brings Me Women
BUICK-Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer.
CHEVROLET- Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips.
* Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time.
* Cheap Heap, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time.
*Condition Hopeless, Entire Vehicle Relies On Leftover Engine Technology.
DODGE-Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere.
*Dem Old Dudes Go Everywhere.
*Dead or Dying Gas Eater.
*Dear Old Dad's Geriatric Express.
FIAT- Failure in Italian Automotive Technology.
*Fix It All the Time.
*Fix it again, Tony!
FORD - First On Recall Day.
*Fixed Or Repaired Daily.
*First On Rust and Deterioration.
*Fix Or Repair Daily.
*Found On Road, Dead.
*Fast Only Rolling Downhill.
*Features O.J. and Ron's DNA.
*Found On Russian Dump.
*FORD Owners Recommend Dodge.
GM- General Maintenance.
* Great Mistake.
* GMC- Garage Man's Companion.
* Got A Mechanic Coming?.
HONDA - Had One Never Did Again.
HYUNDAI-Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...
MAZDA- Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along.
OLDSMOBILE-*Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late
Everywhere.
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover
Equipment.
PINTO - Put in new transmission often.
PONTIAC - Poor old Neanderthal thinks its a Cadillac.
SAAB-Send Another Automobile Back.
*Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown.
*Sorry Arsed Auto Builders.
TOYOTA-Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto.
VOLVO- Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object.
*Vehicles Of Low Velocity Owners.
SUBARU-Screwed Up Beyond Any Repair Ussually
PORSCHE-Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything
PRIUS-Please Remove,Incredibly Useless Sh*t

alo policija ovdje ima na tisuce mrtvih!
gdje se nalazite??
na groblju..

Poznanstvo na internetu:
- Hi. Were are you from?
- Hi. I'm from Bosnia. And you?
- I'm from Germany.
- Sereš?
- Majke mi!

:pray:

Kaze profesorica Ivici da kaze jednu pasivnu recenicu,i kaze ivica "Stevica je vozio traktor" odlicno Ivice, a sta je Stevica u toj recenici?
"Pa Srbin" kaze Ivica.

Osnovali gubavci rock bend.
Nakon dva sata se raspali

=> Spoiler Alert: <=

:pray: :pray: :pray: :pray:

Dode Steven Spielberg u Crnu Goru i nade Crnogorca i pita ga dali bi zelio glumiti u njegovom filmu."Dobro,sto trebam raditi ?" pita ga Crnogorac.
Spielberg:"Pa prvo legnes ispod ovog drveta,pa onda odes i legnes ispod onog..."
Crnogorac:"Pa sta ti mislis da sam ja kaskader?"

XDXDXD

Kako se zove osoba koja ne zna staviti kondom?

=> Spoiler Alert: <=

Tata

xD

lol dobar

ocekivao sam nesto glupo

= Citat =:

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Izvorno postao cham3leon

Osnovali gubavci rock bend.
Nakon dva sata se raspali

=> Spoiler Alert: <=

:pray: :pray: :pray: :pray:

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Aaaaaaa :rotfl:

Ti glupi i kratki su najjaci :D

Ide lovac sumom naidje na pusku i dobro mu dodje.

Magarac i lav.
sry ak je bio.

Ide magarac dzunglom, skace, divlja kad ispred njega iskoci lav!
Lav: jel znas ti da se ne smijes tako ponasati ovdje, ja sam kralj zivotinja i postavio sam ovdje neki red koji se mora postovati!
Magarac: jel? a ko je tebe postavio za kralja zivotinja?
Lav: sve ostale zivotinje, jer mogu najduze da jebem!
Magarac: ja mogu duze. da se kladimo?
Konta lav sta ce, gleda magarca i pristane na okladu!
Prvi lav ufati magarca i pocne sa radnjom, 15min, 30min, magarac trpi ne progovara, 45min, 1h i lav svrsi!
Dosao red na magarca i ufati on lava i poce radnju! 15min lav trpi,
30min lav trpi, 45min lav trpi i vec konta vidi ove budale, bas ce me sjebati, procuce se bruka, i sta ce, konta i sjeti se sta njemu najvise odgovara kad je sa lavicom i skonta da voli kad lavica stenje i poce lav da stenje ..
Magarac nastavi sa radnjom, 1h magarac i dalje ne popusta, lav se sjebo konta sta ce, i na um pade mu da voli kad ga lavica ceska po jajima dok to radi i on poce magarca da ceska. Navalio magarac ne popusta, lav stenje, ceska ga po jajima. Poslednje cega se lav seti da ne moze da izdrzi kada lavica pocne da mesa. Zavrti lav guzicom najzesce sto je mogao i u po frke Magarac ufati lava za grivu, povuce ga prema sebi i kaze "Lave ti nisi kralj, ti si car!!!"

Mujo na ulici prodaje koštice od jabuka.
Dolazi policajac i pita: – Šta ti je to?
- Prodajem koštice od jabuka.
- A čemu služe?
- Pojedeš jednu, pa budeš pametniji.
- A pošto ti je to?
- 2,5 EUR komad.
- Daj jednu.
Policajac pojede košticu, zastade malo pa kaže:
- Stani malo! Za 2,5 EUR sam mogao kupiti kilu jabuka, i…… dobiti 20 koštica umjesto jedne!
- Eto vidiš, već djeluje!
- Stvarno, daj još dvije koštice!

Zašto Chuck Norris nije nikad izgubio nevinost?

-Chuck Norris nikad ne gubi.


xD

:))

- Uđite gospodine Sanader, odluka je donešena. Sjednite. Kako se osjećate?
- Super. Odlično. Za deset.

- Gospodine, vi ste slikar?
- Da.
- Amater?
- A eno je u penziji, malo reuma i tako, ali dobro je.

Ne kužim :(

3 vica u jednom

došo cigo jedinac doma sa posla pa se otuširo

= Citat =:

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Izvorno postao Sonic_Moronic

Ne kužim :(

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- Gospodine, vi ste slikar?
- Da.
- Amater?
- A eno je u penziji, malo reuma i tako, ali dobro je.

O je, sad kad si podebljao amater, sigurno će skužiti.

Stavi još crticu da nema zabune.

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Izvorno postao Sonic_Moronic

Ne kužim :(

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A mater? ^^

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Izvorno postao flander

3 vica u jednom

došo cigo jedinac doma sa posla pa se otuširo

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:rotfl: