Jušto to xD
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Jušto to xD
Monitor. Posle WC šolje, predmet pred kojim se najčešće skidaju gaće.
Mlađi sin:
- Tata, tata, koja je razlika između 'potencijalno' i 'realno'?
Otac: Pojasnit ću ti.
Obrati se svojoj ženi: Bi li ti spavala s Robertom Redfordom za milijun dolara?
Žena: Naravno, nipošto ne bih propustila takvu priliku!
Onda otac upita svoju kći bi li ona spavala s Bradom Pittom za milijun dolara?
Kći: Wow! Da!!! To je moja fantazija!
Tada se otac okrene starijem sinu i upita ga: Bi li ti spavao s Tomom Cruiseom za milijun dolara?
Stariji sin: Da, zašto ne? Zamisli što se sve može učiniti s milijun dolara!
Sad se otac obrati mlađem sinu i kaže:
Čuo si sine, 'potencijalno' mi sjedimo na 3 milijuna dolara, ali 'realno'
živimo s dvije kurve i jednim pederom.
:pray: :pray:= Citat =:
Izvorno postao cham3leon
Ono sto te ne ubije, smanji te.
Super Mario
Ali se prvo moraš najesti ludih gljiva...
Ušla četiri čovjeka u restoran. Tri sjela za stol, četvrti otišao u wc.
Pita konobar ekipu za stolom: "Što ćete za predjelo?"
Kaže prvi: "Njoke".
Drugi će:"Njoke".
Treći kaže:"Ajde može i meni njoke".
Pošao konobar predati narudžbu i sretne četvrtog i upita:"Njoke?".
Četvrti kaže:"Ne, šaopi"
:pray: :pray: :pray:
hahahhahahahahaah xDD
Dobar!
motherofgod :rotfl:= Citat =:
Izvorno postao Carp
Došli bakica i Sergio Ramos u raj pred Sv. Petra. 'Bakice, zašto bi vi trebali ući u raj?, upita sveti Petar. 'Pa molila sam se i bila dobra žena, majka i baka', odgovori starica, na što ovaj sa smiješkom odgovori - 'Ajde uđi! Na red dođe Sergio Ramos. 'A zašto bi ti trebao ući u raj', upita Petar, a realovac doda: 'Ma ne, ja sam samo došao po loptu!
I prije nego san otvoria temu zna san da će biti neki s Ramosom :)
Ako je Fata fatalna, kakva je Ana?
I jedan dan, izlazimo mi na trening, gotovo svi, ali bez Ćire. Obučeni u opremu i kreće zagrijavanje. Počinjemo trčati po atletskoj stazi, u smjeru kazaljke na satu. Trčimo tako nekoliko minuta, i ja spazim da nedostaje Asanović jer je oko Asketa i dok se trčalo uvijek sve bilo veselo, zato se i moglo primjetiti da ga nema. Nakon jedno desetak minuta izlazi Asanović iz svlačinoice, nekako odsutan, zamišljen i počne trčati, ali u obratnom smjeru od nas. Mi se počeli smijati i zbijati šale na njegov račun, kad iz svlačionice taman izlazi Blažević.
I sad svi čekamo da Ćiro podvikne, zaurla na Asanovića jer trči u krivom smjeru, a šef dođe polako na centar - pogleda nas, pogleda Asanovića i vikne:
"Pa jebemu, jeste vi svi normalni, šta je ovo?", gleda nas Ćiro redom jednog po jednog u oči i urla dalje.
"Pa jebo vas, zar ne vidite da trčite u krivom smjeru? Zašto ne trčite za Asanovićem? Odgovorite mi, ako ne bude odgovor pametan trčite još svi deset krugova!", vikao je Ćiro.
Onda se javi netko i kaže:
'Pa zagrijavamo se!'
Tu je Ćiro posve poludio…
"Svi trčite još 10 krugova, Asanović više ne mora trčati". Naravno, Asanović je umro od smijeha.
?
true story dok je ćiro bio trener repke
I hole-hardedly agree, but allow me to play doubles advocate here for a moment. For all intensive purposes I think you are wrong. In an age where false morals are a diamond dozen, true virtues are a blessing in the skies. We often put our false morality on a petal stool like a bunch of pre-Madonnas, but you all seem to be taking something very valuable for granite. So I ask of you to mustard up all the strength you can because it is a doggy dog world out there. Although there is some merit to what you are saying it seems like you have a huge ship on your shoulder. In your argument you seem to throw everything in but the kids Nsync, and even though you are having a feel day with this I am here to bring you back into reality. I have a sick sense when it comes to these types of things. It is almost spooky, because I cannot turn a blonde eye to these glaring flaws in your rhetoric. I have zero taller ants when it comes to people spouting out hate in the name of moral righteousness. You just need to remember what comes around is all around, and when supply and command fails you will be the first to go.
Make my words, when you get down to brass stacks it doesn't take rocket appliances to get two birds stoned at once. It's clear who makes the pants in this relationship, and sometimes you just have to swallow your prize and accept the facts. You might have to come to this conclusion through denial and error but I swear on my mother's mating name that when you put the petal to the medal you will pass with flying carpets like it’s a peach of cake.
Dva studenta medicine šetaju ulicom i primjete jednog starca koji teško hoda. Pomalo šepa, onako raširenih nogu.
Prvi student veli: “Mora da stari boluje od Peltry sindroma, oboljeli tako hodaju.”
Drugi kaže: “Ne slažem se s tobom to je garant Zovitzki sindrom. Pogledaj kako hoda polako i kako su mu noge raširene.”
Kako se nisu mogli složiti odluče zapitati starca. Priđu mu i prvi kaže : “Mi smo ...studenti medicine, ali nemožemo se dogovoriti oko dijagnoze vaše bolesti. Dali bi nam htjeli reći od čega bolujete?”
Starac kaže: “Reći ću vam, ali recite vi meni prvo što vi mislite?
Prvi kaže: “Ja mislim da je u pitanju Peltry sindrom?
Stari odgovara: “Mislio si, ali pogrešno.”
Drugi kaže: “Ja mislim da je Zovitzki sindrom?”
Starac odgovara: “Mislio si, ali pogrešno.”
“Pa dobro stari što je onda?” – Pita prvi.
Stari odgovara: “Mislio sam da ću prdnut, ali pogrešno.”
________
ughhhhhhhh xDDD
Kako se zove životinja koje jede mravojeda?
Mravojedjed!
Tako se zvao jedan član foruma, pa su mislili da se zove mravodjed. :)
Evo ga:
http://www.pcplay.hr/forum/memberlist.p ... le&u=13771
Mravo je djed?
How to tell the difference between different genres of metal
POWER METAL: The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.
THRASH METAL: The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.
HEAVY METAL: The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess.
FOLK METAL: The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave........ without the princess.
VIKING METAL: The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.
DEATH METAL: The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.
BLACK METAL: The protagonist IS the dragon, dwells in the heart of the night with in a castle full of hellhounds and eternal flames. He kills the sassy knight, fucks the noble steed and sacrifices the princess to Satan.
GORE METAL: The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.
DOOM METAL: The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.
PROGRESSIVE METAL: The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the 'HEAVY METAL' protagonist.
GLAM METAL: The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.
NU METAL: The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.
Čitajte sve, isplati se:
A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, `Well my son, what would you like for your birthday?'
The son hesitated a moment and his father's thoughts leapt ahead to a new computer and similar things. However, his son had had a new computer only recently and could have a new one any time he wished.
Finally, the son said, `Father, I have everything a boy could wish for, but there is one thing I would really like. I would love to have a pink ping pong ball.'
The father was rather astonished at this wish, but said, `If it is a pink ping pong ball that you want, a pink ping pong ball you shall have.'
And so, the next day, the son was given as his bithday present a pink ping pong ball.
The boy took the ball to his room and the next morning the pink ping pong ball was gone. The father was mildly surprised but decided not to say anything. The pink ping pong ball, however, was never seen again.
The next year, a day before his 16th birthday, the father asked his son what he would like for his birthday.
Father,' replied the son,I have everything a boy could possibly wish for, but there is one thing I would really, really like. I would love to have a tenpack of pink ping pong balls.'
The father was more surprised than the year before, but kept his curiosity at bay, for he knew that his son had a right for privacy. he said therefore, `If it is a tenpack of pink ping pong balls that you want, a tenpack of pink ping pong balls you shall have.'
And so, the next day, the son was given as his birthday present a tenpack of pink ping pong balls.
The boy took the tenpack of balls to his room and the next morning, not a single ball remained, merely the empty husk of the tenpack. The father wondered where ten pink ping pong balls might disappear to, but decided not to say anything. The pink ping pong balls, however, were never seen again.
The next year, a day before his 17th birthday, the son was asked by his father what he would like for his birthday.
Father,' said the son to this,I have everything a boy could wish for, but one thing would make my happiness complete. I would dearly want a carton of pink ping pong balls.'
The father was beyond surprise, but decided to make sure he had not misheard. `A carton of pink ping pong balls?'
`A carton of pink ping pong balls,' the boy confirmed.
I can't understand your fascination with pink ping pong balls,' said the father,but if it is a carton of pink ping pong balls that you want, it is a carton of pink ping pong balls that you shall have.'
And so, the next day, the boy was given as his birthday present a carton of pink ping pong balls.
The boy was delighted and took the carton to his room. The next day, miraculously (as if by magic, even) the pink ping pong balls had all disappeared.
Dear son,' said the father,I must ask now, what do you do with all those pink ping pong balls?'
The son, however, was reluctant to tell him. `Please humour me, dear father.'
The carton of pink ping pong balls, however, was never seen again.
The next year, it was clear that the son would get a car, but the father felt that, perhaps, his son also had some other wish apart from the obvious. So, one day before the son's 18th birthday, the father asked him whether he had a special wish for his birthday.
Dearest father,' the son started,I have everything a young man could possibly want, but there is one craving in me. I would, more than anything, want a warehouse full of pink ping pong balls.'
One of these years, his father thought, I should get to the bottom of this. However, he decided to humour his son's wish. At least he had been wise enough to buy shares in a pink ping pong ball factory.
The next day, the son was given the address of a warehouse where all his new pink ping pong balls were stored. The son was delighted and decided to spend the next night in the warehouse rather than at home.
The following morning, the son stepped out of the warehouse, but it seemed to be empty otherwise. The father had a closer look and indeed, apart from empty cardboard boxes, nothing was left inside the warehouse. No pink ping pong balls were left.
The following year, one day before the son's 19th birthday, the father braced himself for another warehouse of pink ping pong balls. He asked his son what his deepest desire was and he had not been entirely wrong.
`Father, you have made me very happy these last years and this year I ask of you a shipload of pink ping pong balls if at all possible.'
It was possible, if only because the father had by now bought each and every factory of pink ping pong balls in the country.
The next day, the father took his son to the harbour and showed him a huge tanker and told his son that there were millions, billions, trillions of pink ping pong balls in there.
Father,' the son said,You've made me very happy yet again.'
That night, the son spent on board the tanker.
The next morning, not a single of the pink ping pong balls could be found, but the son was happy.
A few days before his 20th birthday, however, the son had a terrible road accident and was taken to the hospital.
His father visited the young man in hospital. `My dear son! Can I bring you anything to make you feel better?'
Weakly, the son sat up in bed. `Father, dearest father, grant me this wish; just one tenpack of pink ping pong balls.'
The father held his son's hand tightly. `Whatever you wish my son, but I have to give you one condition. Even if it may be embarrassing, I must know what you did with all those pink ping pong balls.'
`Very well, father, but please indulge me first. I will tell you whatever you wish to know after you have given me the ten pink ping pong balls.'
The father thought that was fair enough and the next day brought his son the ten asked for pink ping pong balls. The son smiled weakly but seemed too weak to talk.
`Son, I leave these pink ping pong balls with you and shall come back tomorrow to ask of you what you have done with all those pink ping pong balls.'
The son nodded weakly.
The next day, less than surprisingly, no pink ping pong balls could be found in the son's hospital room.
`Now, my dearest son, apple of my eye, treasure of my life, please tell me what you did with all those pink ping pong balls,' the father requested.
The son nodded and the father gripped his hand tighter.
`I-' the son started and sat up a bit, swallowing with a dry mouth.
`I- I-'
Then he died.
ma goni se u kurac
star je vic 'ko ja, ali jedan od boljih.
:)
Dobri stari vicevi, zna san vake pričat u busu kad smo išli u školu, okupe se svi i nakon 10 minuta kad završin, pa netriba objašnjavat posebno :)
:)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))= Citat =:
Izvorno postao sakondo
Mislim da je ovaj vic već bio i da si ti baš ovo napisao. :)= Citat =:
Izvorno postao Wizard
More biti, bia je taj i još par šta san ih volia pričat, ima od toga već godina i godina :)
A onaj sa govnetom u pustinji tog tipa :))
Prave kokoške party, i pita jedna drugu: "Po koliko para trebamo dati ?".
Ova joj odgovara: "Pa ne znam, KO'KO 'KO DA!"
:pray: :pray: :pray:
:pray: :pray: :pray: :pray: :pray: :pray: :pray: :pray:
GRIND METAL: The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves...= Citat =:
Izvorno postao Maja
CHRISTIAN METAL: The protagonist rides in on his way home from church and sings a mushy power ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus loves him and that the dragon should turn to Him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and when the princess wants to "thank" the protagonist he replies, "sorry, but I don't believe in having sex before marriage."
= Citat =:
CHRISTIAN METAL: The protagonist rides in on his way home from church and sings a mushy power ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus loves him and that the dragon should turn to Him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and when the princess wants to "thank" the protagonist he replies, "sorry, but I don't believe in having sex before marriage..unless you have a younger brother, i'd really like to fuck him"
Tuku se b.b.b. i torcida. To gledaju 2 Šiptara (tata i sin). Tuče se 5 navijača.
Sin:
- "Babo, babo da uljetim?"
Tata:
- "Ne još..."
15 navijača u tuči.
Sin:
- "Babo, babo da uljetim?"
Tata:
- "Ne još..."
Opća tuča, 50 navijača u borbi.
Sin:
- "Babo, babo da uljetim?"
Tata:
- "Možeš."
Sin:
- "Kokice, kokice, kikiriki ...."
Mali sudac iz Njemačke, Hrvatima radi spačke, jučer je u kasni sat, turnir iša zajebat, pa je Hrvat izvadija PAM PAM PAM PAM.. Mali sudac sada zivi na Lovrincu :D
živi urnebes
Za upišat se od smijeha.
Oh god...
Baš kad sam pomislio da sam se naslušao onoga što je vjerojatno najlošiji, komercijalizirani nepotizam na glazbenoj sceni još otkad je Huljić proguro Mrvicu...
Al evo.
Zašto to nebi bila himna i ultimativni meme svih koji nose trenerke + kapuljače svaki božji dan jer im zvuči gengsta i andergraund...
Why not?
Ne kužim tvoj post uopće lol
Nije ni potrebno.
Bolestan sam sa visokom temperaturom. :(
Dosađujem Bogu i vragu po Fejsbucima sa nula smisla :)