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Jazz is quite possibly the most talentless form of music there is. The best indicator of this fact is the genre's emphasis on brass and wind instruments, which require little more than labored breathing and some arbitrary key-fingering on the part of the musician—something any hack could learn to do. Why glorified kazoo-honkers like Davis and Coltrane are so revered by the bourgeois establishment is beyond me. Jazz even fails at making proper use of real instruments: jazz piano consists entirely of the most unstudied and childish doodling, and jazz drummers can barely keep a beat. But by far the most pretentious aspect of the genre is its aping at "improvisation," a thin charade kept up by generations of jazz musicians to distract attention from an utter and obvious lack of compositional skill. My friends, the emperor has no clothes.