Epic(pišao sam se od smjeha)

[unknown]

[center:bl4vznqs]Day 2: Trying Out Our Avatars

http://www.cracked.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/danteam.jpg

DR. AUGUSTINE
Welcome to Pandora, and meet your new avatars. Treat them well.

JAKE
This is amazing. And… DOB, am I outta line here or do you suddenly get the feeling you can fuck anything?

DOB
“Suddenly”?

DR. AUGUSTINE
Alright you two, let’s focus. You don’t have too much time to get used to your Avatars. We leave tomorrow.

DOB
Huh. Sort of feels like the kind of thing I should receive training for, but, sure, OK.

http://www.cracked.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/danatartable.jpg

JAKE
This feels so incredible, I feel alive.

DOB
Hey, what’s this ponytail thing? It’s… [Rubs ponytail thing repeatedly]S… it’s awesome.

DR. AUGUSTINE
Don’t play with that or you’ll go blind.

DOB
Worth it.

JAKE
Can do, Dr. Augustine.

DOB
Hold up, so are you saying these things are, like, our junk? Just… hanging out from the backs of our heads?

DR. AUGUSTINE
We’re heading out early tomorrow, so make sure you get your rest.

DOB
Hey, I got a good one.

JAKE
Excuse me, but what are we doing when we get down there?

DOB
Hey guys.

DR. AUGUSTINE
“We”? As far as I’m concerned, we shouldn’t be going down there at all.

DOB
You guys.

DR. AUGUSTINE
This is a science matter, we don’t need any trigger-happy marines running around destroying the delicate ecosystem.

DOB
Ponytalia. That’s what we can call it. Anyone come up with that yet?

JAKE
I don’t want to be out there any more than you want me out there, Augustine, I’m only doing this because of my dead brother.

DOB
Because it’s a dick.

DR. AUGUSTINE
Yeah, I lose one brilliant scientist and I get a couple of idiot marines, that’s a fair trade.

JAKE
Actually, I’m the only Marine… I have no idea who that other guy is.



DOB
I also considered “Peenytail.”
[b]
Day 2 (later): Meeting Colonel Quaritch

DOB and JAKE meet up with COLONEL QUARITCH, who has a series of terrifying giant face scars for no reason.

http://www.cracked.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/facescar.jpg

COLONEL QUARITCH
Jake, you’re an accomplished marine. And you… other guy, you can listen too, this concerns both of you.

JAKE
Yes, sir.


COLONEL QUARITCH
I want to make sure you’re both on my side. You need to know what you’re up against down there.

JAKE
Absolutely.

COLONEL QUARITCH
See these three giant scars on my face?

DOB
How could I possibly miss them?

COLONEL QUARITCH
They’re a constant reminder of just what those beasts down there are capable of. Remember that. Doctors say I could easily have the scars removed with a quick surgery, but I kind of like ‘em.

Jake
Sure.

DOB
What?

COLONEL QUARITCH
This way, I’ll never forget what they can do when they feel threatened.

DOB
That can’t be the best way to remember that.

COLONEL QUARITCH
Yep. Just a couple of giant, unsettling, clearly-infected face scars to remind me that I fucking hate aliens.[/center:bl4vznqs]

[unknown]

[center:3em3x14t]Day 3: Landing on the Planet

http://www.cracked.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/danatar_monsters.jpg

DR. AUGUSTINE, NORM, JAKE and DOB are facing down a bunch of ENORMOUS RHINO BEARS with extra eyes and appendages that serve no clear function, evolutionarily speaking.

DR. AUGUSTINE
Well all need to make sure-

DOB
HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

DR. AUGUSTINE
Quiet. Remain calm. Be careful and don’t fire your weap-

[DOB fires several wild shots at the beasts.]

DR. AUGUSTINE
I said don’t fire.

DOB
AND I SAID DON’T SEND ME TO THE MONSTER PLANET, SHUT UP, what the fuck?!

[DOB fires a few more shots.]

NORM
This isn’t part of the plan?

DOB
What is the plan? Why would you give us guns and stick us in a monster nest? I’m not- I mean, I am Internet funny-maker, and you gave me a rifle? [He SHOOTS SOME PLANTS.]SJake can’t even walk, there’s no way he was the best choice for a bodyguard.

[JAKE nods and starts firing wildly.]

DOB
My man. See what I mean?

NORM
They’re not monsters, they’re animals, and you’re murdering them for no reason.

DOB
They’re trying to kill us. Currently. That is happening.

NORM
They wouldn’t bother us if man wasn’t so destructive and violent, we-

[DOB shoots NORM in the leg.]

NORM
AAGGGHHHH!

DOB
Hahah. Fuck you. Yes.

Day 6: Living With the Na’vi

After accidentally separating from their group, DOB and JAKE are forced to live with and learn from the Na’vi people.

DOB
Plant. Tree. Horse thing. Bird thing. Man, you guys have dick ports everywhere.

NEYTIRI
We’ll teach you to live like our people, to experience the world as we do.

DOB
I’m OK.

NEYTIRI
I’m… sorry?

JAKE
We’re here to learn from these people, DOB. We want them to train us.

DOB
Dude, they’re training us on bows and arrows. The only reason I wasn’t already trained to use them years ago is because they’re irrelevant in our society. I can seriously shoot you whenever I want. Whenever I want.

JAKE
But we have much to learn.

DOB
From these guys? Man, this is a species so simple that we built perfect replicas in our lab while they still haven’t even figured out pants. Which, if I’m being honest, I’m actually OK with.

Day 11: Learning to Train Those Flying Dragon Monsters

http://www.cracked.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/avatargroup.jpg

NEYTIRI, DOB and JAKE surround one of those flying dragon monsters in an attempt to tame and ride them.

NEYTIRI
Once you corner it, you must link your tail with its tail.

JAKE
I understand.

DOB
I’m not doing this.

NEYTIRI
It will fight you, so be prepared. You will have to hold it down, subdue it and force it to bond with you. Then she will see you.

JAKE
Sounds like a challenge.

[JAKE finds a dragon monster he likes and tackles it. He holds it down on the ground as it struggles desperately to break free. He holds its mouth shut and straddles the beast, eventually forcing his ponytalia onto its ponytalia.]

JAKE
I’ve got her. I’ve got her.

NEYTIRI
Don’t let her go, Jake.

DOB
No, no wait, hold on.

Neytiri
Let her see you, Jake.

DOB
Just one second, I think-

JAKE
Oh, it feels incredible.

Neytiri
You are becoming one.

DOB
This is rape.

Neytiri
Do you see her, Jake? Do you see her?

DOB
This is completely rape. Can anyone hear me?

[It's almost exactly like the rape scene in Irreversible.]

JAKE
I see her. I see her.

NEYTIRI
Now you are ready for our tree of souls. You can see our ancestors.

JAKE
What’s that process like?

NEYTIRI
It is also largely forced-bonding-centric.

DOB
I no longer want to play Avatar…

Day 24: Revolution

The Na’vi people have all gathered around JAKE, who is leading them in a war against the humans, to save this piece of shit movie.

JAKE
The humans want to get rid of us, and use up all of our resources. They are raping our planet.

The Na’vi cheer.

DOB
What? You guys are the rape planet, you rape hello out here.

JAKE
And I say NO MORE. The rape of our planet will not continue.

DOB
You are currently sticking your dick in a tree.

Day 25: Victory

NEYTIRI
We did it! The humans left!

JAKE
Finally!

DOB
Yep. And they took all of their filthy technology and medicine and school systems with them. Hooray!… I’m fucking with you guys, this really blows.

JAKE
A hunt should take your mind off it.

DOB
We still hunt? Jesus, it’s the future. Who hunts?

NEYTIRI
Our mother planet, Eywa, commands that-

DOB
You’re the shittiest race ever.

NEYTIRI
I guess, but this whole planet is so beautiful and real that I don’t even notice sometimes. I’m too distracted by the majesty and wonder of our planet, that I never really think about how sort of boring and pointless it all is, I suppose.

JAKE
Right?[/center:3em3x14t]



[center:3em3x14t]Avatar 2: The Humans Nuke the Blue Faggots from Orbit.[/center:3em3x14t]


Jednostavno epic tekst

[Lord Ragnarok]

tl;dr

[Rang€r]

men se to neda čitat, može neko postat skračenu verziju?

[croat1gamer]

[center:2ixgjrd1]Avatar 2: The Humans Nuke the Blue Faggots from Orbit.[/center:2ixgjrd1]

[r0rschach]

tl;dr
I vjerujem da nije vrijedno čitanja.

[Nodakim]

Ni ne trebate čitati sve da skužite foru,samo pogledajte tekst malo i onda pogledajte što piše pod Avatar 2.
I to bi bilo to...

[Lord Ragnarok]

[center:3bqhvybq]Avatar 2: The Humans Nuke the Blue Faggots from Orbit.[/center:3bqhvybq]


sta ocekivati od txta kojem je short verzia to

[r0rschach]

It all started on /v/. And then faggot ported it to PCP in an unfunny form.

[Jopax]

Što se tiče filma ja ne mogu skužit kako netko ko uloži nebrojene količine novca i rada da razvije hibridno tijelo vanzemaljca i čovjeka i napravi ga tako da se u njega može prebaciti nečiji um ne ugradi eksploziv u to tijelo u slučaju da vanzemaljska strana ne prevlada u tijelu i biće se ne pobuni protiv njih

[Aral]

Koja vanzemaljska strana u tom tijelu? Pa ako čovjek ne kontrolira avatara, on je u stanju mirovanja samo prazna ljuštura. A ako se netko drugi želi spojiti i kontrolirata avatar nemože jer je dna kodiran.

[Jopax]

Ako je tijelo hibrid, onda kad se ljudski um prikopča na njega nebi se trebao ponašati kao da je u ljudskom tijelu, jer bi građa i kemija mozga bile drukčije, zbog toga ta osoba nebi više bila ista.Osim ako nisu jednostavno ugradili ljudski mozak u vanzemaljsko tijelo, što je i dalje nemoguće bez nekih velikih promjena na tijelu/mozgu

[Aral]

A dobro, to su sad već naklapanja koja nemaju veza sa stvarnošću. Dovoljno je valjda što je baziran na dna od čovjeka koji će upravljat avatarom, sad jel je mozak ovak i onakav...tak je to sve sf :)

[Jopax]

I dalje, bilo bi fora da su ugradili neki ekslpoziv i čim se pođe čudno ponašati *pop* nema više glave :D

[Norther]

tl;dr